Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
