so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
