Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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