i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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