i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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