new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
