Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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