Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
