I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
