last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
