Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Someone came in the potted fern
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
