Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
