Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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