What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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