I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
