I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
