really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
did i walk over a car last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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