You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
