I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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