You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
