Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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