Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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