May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
