Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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