If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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