question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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