I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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