I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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