how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
