it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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