Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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