If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
