i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
