I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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