What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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