I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
