So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
