Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
