It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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