well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
