DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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