You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
