Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
