No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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