Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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