I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
