You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
