how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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