If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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