I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
