the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
