Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
