There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
