I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
