So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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