Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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