he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
