Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
