In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
